if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
