I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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