Is it because I queefed?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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