it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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