i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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