I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
