I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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