I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We need to rekindle our bromance
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
