I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
