So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
