Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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