I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
