my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize