he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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