I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
