rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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