My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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