listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
