The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
