In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
