Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
