There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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