Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
