Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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