med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
