Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
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