girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
