I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
