He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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