Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize