Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
