Buhtt sex?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
