I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
