Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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