My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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