She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
