Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
