i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
