i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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