God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
