I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was like eating out sand paper
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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