i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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