we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
