i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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