Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
