Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
