I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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