she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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