tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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