I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
