I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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