I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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