my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
