She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize