Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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