he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
