first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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